Why we do what we do...

2007-11-05T09:49:00.000-08:00

Joining together, hearing each other into voice, coming out of the isolation that keeps us in doubt and shame can lead to transforming the dominant values of both therapy and the larger culture (Hartling, Jordan, and Walker 2004).

Who are we? How did we get here?

We began meeting a little over a year ago to share ideas about radical therapy. Our casual chat turned into a discussion about our personal experiences with disconnection and burnout as activists, social workers and humans. Our histories combined with a shared interest in progressive theories on communication and counseling inspired us to explore ways to use this information to support other people, both inside and outside of our communities in creating healthy interpersonal relationships.

Karen: I noticed over the years that the research I have done in psychology and therapy had huge implications for social justice and activist work. After 14 months as an advocate-activist for sexual assault victims, I was so burnt out and traumatized I could not do it anymore. Many would say that is par for the course, but I question our acceptance of unhealthy work environments, conditions and dynamics that manifest more negative symptoms.

Jenna: At twenty, I moved three thousand miles away from home to explore who I was, away form the direct influence of my family and their expectations. I joined a political collective in an attempt to establish community. Initially, the group worked well; we shared ideas, goals and strategies for social change. Within months, my enthusiasm faded and my sense of isolation and powerlessness grew. I distinctly remember dreading the excruciating weekly meetings that I volunteered for as a collective member. At the time, I blamed myself for not “fitting in.” Reflecting on the experience nearly five years later, I feel that the group’s unhealthy interpersonal dynamics played a significant role in transforming my passion into cynicism. We didn’t spend time checking-in about our lives, our roles, or our expectations about the group’s direction, nor did we develop tools to deal with conflict. Instead, we pushed forward, put the product over the process, and let the discomfort fester. With this realization, I began drawing parallels to other organizations where burnout, isolation and infighting emerged. Throughout history, it seems that groups with the best intentions have crumbled due to problematic relationships, rather than conflicting analyses. With that said, my interests lie in developing ways to create and maintain authentic connections as a means to support myself and others in the pursuit of our goals.

Why are relationships so important? How are we affected by the cultural context?

Experience has taught us that it is through connections with others that we, as humans, can grow and change. While this may not seem like a radical idea, traditional psychological theories place more value on the development of the independent self as compared to the creation of mutually empowering relationships. It is not only psychologists who seek to nurture the separate self; capitalists wish to do the same as well. As long as people feel that they are “missing something” consumer-driven market economies will create products to fill the void, and thus prosper. With that said, it becomes clear that we are not personally flawed for having relational difficulties. Instead, our cultural context should be held accountable for supporting isolation and disconnection at the expense of our relational development.

The history of isolation in the United States dates back to colonialism. In Constructing The Self: Constructing America, Philip Cushman writes, "The 19^th- century American white identity strategy was based on the psychological processes used to define "the other". It is difficult for the young, increasingly diverse nation to develop a consensus as to what "the self" was. It was easier to develop a sense of what the self was not--the supposedly lazy, stupid 'negro' or the supposedly heathen, savage Indian (quote). The "us versus them" dichotomy reflects a power dynamic perpetuated by Western capitalism in order to keep people divided and disempowered. It is manufactured, sold and bought throughout the United States; and with the advent of globalization, throughout the world. Thus, it is extremely important to bring this awareness to our interactions. This may assist us in reducing power struggles, competition and unnecessary hierarchies. In doing so, we strengthen our relationships and increase the potential for authentic connection.

Where do we go from here?

We have concluded that the best place to start is with ourselves and the people closest to us. We focus on creating and maintaining growth fostering relationships. Our work is grounded in Relational-Cultural Theory, a psychological theory that posits that connections with other people are the source of growth for all people and disconnections are the source of major problems (quote). We are trying to make R.C.T. applicable to all people, regardless of their interest or knowledge of psychology. We believe that by increasing our relational awareness we have the potential to alter the current paradigm from one of isolation to connection.

What are we doing?

We have a number of educational workshops, community support groups, written pieces and appeared on the radio to encourage people to think about their sense of connection and disconnection. We pose questions like: "What is happening, in the interaction, when you feel connected to others," and, "How did you feel and what did you notice about the other people you were interacting with?" These questions enable participants to explore and name the feelings associated with connection. We also spend time naming the disconnections that we experience, from small misunderstandings to chronic disconnections. We suggest ways to transform disconnection from a place of isolation to one of stronger connectedness.

We don't often take the time and space to name our feelings. Instead, we work at our jobs, create our art, take care of our children, pay our bills, and try to survive in a cutthroat capitalist society, which pushes us to put our emotional needs aside in order to keep the consumerist machine going. We stress the importance of identifying, developing and maintaining mutually-empowering relationships as a way to nourish ourselves, our friends, our families, and our groups.

What is Relational Cultural Theory?

2007-11-05T09:32:00.000-08:00

“During the late 60s and early 70s, feminist writers began to show that traditional psychodynamic theories and forms of practice neglected or misunderstood many aspects of women’s experience. Their work inspired Judith Jordan, Janet Surrey, Irene Stiver and Jean Baker Miller to get together in 1977 to discuss relationships, connections and communication (The Healing Connection 3).” Their casual discussions turned into Relational-Cultural theory, and before long they were writing articles, publishing books, and presenting their ideas. In 1981, they became associated with the Stone Center at Wellesley College.

According to Relational-Cultural Theory, the goal of development is not forming a separated, independent self, but rather the ability to participate actively in relationships that foster the well being of everyone involved (i.e. growth-fostering relationships). In Relational-Cultural theory isolation is viewed as one of the fundamental sources of suffering in people’s lives and movement toward mutuality through connection lies at the heart of relational development and ushers us out of isolation. Openness to influence, emotional availability, mutual respect and responsiveness characterize growing and growth-enhancing relationships. Empathy and concern flow both ways. In this process, there is affirmation of personal experience and transcendence of a separate sense of self; one’s sense of self is experienced as part of a larger relational unit. The model thus supports the growth of relationships and community (Group 2). It follows that in creating mutually enhancing connections we can transform all the institutions in our lives, from school to workplace to home (The Healing Connection 22).

The Relational-Cultural Model is about the growth of relatedness and connectedness. It emphasizes a belief in the importance and centrality of mutuality and connection in the lives of all people. Many western and dominant societal models pay lip service to relatedness and community, but actually encourage competition, disconnection, and hyper-individualism. Therefore, building communities of resistance and resilience—where alternative relational values are prized and where people support one another in becoming agents of change—is essential to the full realization of growth in connection for all people (Group 56).

"Building a Culture of Connection as Activists: Tools for Hope and Sustainability"

2007-11-04T10:29:00.000-08:00

Get info from Seattle flier from Christy

Community Support Groups

2007-11-03T18:42:00.000-07:00

Currently, we are facilitating a community support group. In the group we work together to create an open and supportive environment to address concerns related to interpersonal relationships, alienation, political challenges and community building. We practice our listening skills, communication styles and giving and receiving feedback. As a group, we acknowledge the impact of the cultural context on our lives and relationships.

Support Group dates:

December 4, 7-8:30 pm

December 18, 7-8:30pm

January 15, 7-8:30pm