Joining together, hearing each other into voice, coming out of the isolation that keeps us in doubt and shame can lead to transforming the dominant values of both therapy and the larger culture (
Who are we? How did we get here?
We began meeting a little over a year ago to share ideas about radical therapy. Our casual chat turned into a discussion about our personal experiences with disconnection and burnout as activists, social workers and humans. Our histories combined with a shared interest in progressive theories on communication and counseling inspired us to explore ways to use this information to support other people, both inside and outside of our communities in creating healthy interpersonal relationships.
Karen: I noticed over the years that the research I have done in psychology and therapy had huge implications for social justice and activist work. After 14 months as an advocate-activist for sexual assault victims, I was so burnt out and traumatized I could not do it anymore. Many would say that is par for the course, but I question our acceptance of unhealthy work environments, conditions and dynamics that manifest more negative symptoms.
Jenna: At twenty, I moved three thousand miles away from home to explore who I was, away form the direct influence of my family and their expectations. I joined a political collective in an attempt to establish community. Initially, the group worked well; we shared ideas, goals and strategies for social change. Within months, my enthusiasm faded and my sense of isolation and powerlessness grew. I distinctly remember dreading the excruciating weekly meetings that I volunteered for as a collective member. At the time, I blamed myself for not “fitting in.” Reflecting on the experience nearly five years later, I feel that the group’s unhealthy interpersonal dynamics played a significant role in transforming my passion into cynicism. We didn’t spend time checking-in about our lives, our roles, or our expectations about the group’s direction, nor did we develop tools to deal with conflict. Instead, we pushed forward, put the product over the process, and let the discomfort fester. With this realization, I began drawing parallels to other organizations where burnout, isolation and infighting emerged. Throughout history, it seems that groups with the best intentions have crumbled due to problematic relationships, rather than conflicting analyses. With that said, my interests lie in developing ways to create and maintain authentic connections as a means to support myself and others in the pursuit of our goals.
Why are relationships so important? How are we affected by the cultural context?
Experience has taught us that it is through connections with others that we, as humans, can grow and change. While this may not seem like a radical idea, traditional psychological theories place more value on the development of the independent self as compared to the creation of mutually empowering relationships. It is not only psychologists who seek to nurture the separate self; capitalists wish to do the same as well. As long as people feel that they are “missing something” consumer-driven market economies will create products to fill the void, and thus prosper. With that said, it becomes clear that we are not personally flawed for having relational difficulties. Instead, our cultural context should be held accountable for supporting isolation and disconnection at the expense of our relational development.
The history of isolation in the
Where do we go from here?
We have concluded that the best place to start is with ourselves and the people closest to us. We focus on creating and maintaining growth fostering relationships. Our work is grounded in Relational-Cultural Theory, a psychological theory that posits that connections with other people are the source of growth for all people and disconnections are the source of major problems (quote). We are trying to make R.C.T. applicable to all people, regardless of their interest or knowledge of psychology. We believe that by increasing our relational awareness we have the potential to alter the current paradigm from one of isolation to connection.
What are we doing?
We have a number of educational workshops, community support groups, written pieces and appeared on the radio to encourage people to think about their sense of connection and disconnection. We pose questions like: "What is happening, in the interaction, when you feel connected to others," and, "How did you feel and what did you notice about the other people you were interacting with?" These questions enable participants to explore and name the feelings associated with connection. We also spend time naming the disconnections that we experience, from small misunderstandings to chronic disconnections. We suggest ways to transform disconnection from a place of isolation to one of stronger connectedness.
We don't often take the time and space to name our feelings. Instead, we work at our jobs, create our art, take care of our children, pay our bills, and try to survive in a cutthroat capitalist society, which pushes us to put our emotional needs aside in order to keep the consumerist machine going. We stress the importance of identifying, developing and maintaining mutually-empowering relationships as a way to nourish ourselves, our friends, our families, and our groups.
